today.

it's hard to watch noah all day when justin's not here. at least some days i get to go nanny so i'm not home alone. sometimes the days when i'm not out doing anything are the most exhasuting.

song of the day: sensible heart, by city and colour
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVzVe2wyAYA&feature=related
--you can fast forward about a minute and 20 seconds, the intro is really long and fuzzy, but the song is fantastic.

poem of the day: to all the boys i've loved before, by mayda del valle
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9tlQMSovCk
--she is amazing, i love love love this poem. so heartfelt.

the beautiful pictures that amy took!

these are pictures that amy took the other day. noah has never looked more handsome. thanks to amy for being one of the most wonderful people i have ever met.

a message to anyone who wants a baby young

soooo...i'm not a teenager anymore. today i am 20. it doesn't really feel like it. i keep forgetting actually...
justin got me some goofy presents and a starbucks card, and he took me out to lunch. it's been nice spending the day with him. we're probably going to go to the drive-in tonight and see harry potter (again).
it's amazing how sometimes your life can be completely different than you ever imagined it being, and you can love it just the same. i always imagined i would be doing missions work every summer, and traveling with different groups...but i'm not. i'm here with noah and justin, i nanny, i just finished summer class (english--i got a 95%...yeeeeah.) life is different than i thought it would be on my 20th birthday, but that's not a bad thing at all. i think people are always searching for that one thing that makes their life fulfilling, and sometimes it's easier to come by than any of us thought.
people tell me sometimes that they don't know how i do it. they don't know how i take care of noah by myself about 90% of the time. they say that they never could have gone through being pregnant and leaving North Park for a community college, and they don't know how i stayed strong through everything that i went through. when you look at the big picture, yeah, sometimes things seem so impossible. but we learn to live through things moment by moment. at times i don't know how i did all that. the telling my parents i was pregnant, the doctor's appointments, the stares at the mall, the birth, the c-section, the sleeping 2 hours at a time for 6 months, and then 3 hours at a time for another 3 months, the nighttime feedings, the diaper changes...but if you love someone enough you can do it.
all these high school girls think it's all awesome to have a baby young, because you get attention, you get to name him or her, you get to dress the baby up and take them out and people ooh and ah over him or her...but that's only a small part of it. motherhood sometimes means being more tired than you thought was possible. you have to learn to operate on empty day after day after day. it means bringing the baby's high chair and breakfast into the bathroom in the morning just so you can get a shower in. for any young girl who wants to have a baby right now, please, please think harder about it. think about giving up school, time, friends, prom, sleep, energy, and freedom. motherhood (and that's what having a baby is: being someone's mother. can you fathom that?) is the hardest thing you have ever had to do thus far. listen to someone who has been there. but for now, i am victorious.
this moment right here, me sitting here writing this with a cup of coffee at my side on my 20th birthday, with noah taking a much needed nap upstairs, this moment is victorious. for now i have come out on the other side in victory.
for a mother, and especially a young mother, every moment that you look on and think, "you know, things are really good right now. we're all going to be okay," is a victorious moment.
so to mothers who are reading this in victory, congratulations.
and to mothers who are too young, or too scared, or too alone, or too anxious about the future, you are going to be okay. your little one is going to be okay, just get through this moment. all you can do is stay at God's side and get rest while you can, and live each day moment by moment. eventually, someday, you will be victorious.




song of the day: undiscovered, by james morrison
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtE18O555_k


poem of the day: hope, by emily dickenson

Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

i just found my ipod. yay.

so noah is sitting in his high chair drinking juice from a sippy cup (with no hands!) and he has pesto sauce all over his face. miss amy was just over taking pictures of him! super cute, in his little overalls and some in just his onesie. and we can't forget the red balloon! he got a red balloon from the verizon store today. i had to go get my phone replaced, and they had this balloon display. noah walked in and started yelling, "a-boon! a-boon!" he was so excited, balloons are his favorite thing right now (besides food). the manager was cracking up, so he went to the back and got a red helium balloon for noah. noah could hardly believe it was his to keep. when i had to take it away from him during dinner, he was the saddest baby in the whole world. but now he's full and happy, so it's time for a bath and bed.

and by the way, i don't know why, but the timing on my posts is off. it's two hours early for some reason.

song of the day: sunglasses at night (by corey hart) hahahahahahaha!
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2LTL8KgKv8

poem of the day: my miller chill, by rafael casal
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFvrb_DSrlY
---this poem is amazing, the quality is not fantastic, but rafael casal is incredibly talented.

song of the day: limón y sal by julieta venegas
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF-U8V894RA

poem of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzyrHsYTveE&feature=PlayList&p=783655EEAA236FEF&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=20
bassey ikpi! this poem makes me cry half the time :)

yesterday was so much fun. we went to chinatown and ate a ton of food, lol. i also got earrings. they are super awesome and they were only 5 bucks. unbelievable. you can get anything at chinatown for like half the price something like that would sell for anywhere else.
my mom, noah and i went to the farmers market today. the weather was gorgeous, and i carried noah in his little sling on my hip. he kept poking people and being chatty. he's getting so big, i can't believe how much older he looks. he loves reading--he's truly his mother's child, haha. i took the carseat out of justin's car the other day and put it in the living room for the time being. a couple days ago, noah was running around the living room while i was doing something, and he got really quiet, so i went over to see what he was getting into--he was sitting in the carseat looking at "the very hungry caterpillar" and pointing to all the pictures.

my boys

justin is here. yay! he drove over from chicago last night. i kept noah up until like 9:45 so he could see his daddy. they read like 5 books together and snuggled while noah drank his milk. noah was so excited to see him, he started jumping up and down on justin's lap.
when justin knocked on the front door, i brought noah with me to open it, and justin swept him right up in his arms and noah just looked at justin with this face like, "is it really you? where did you come from?" then he got really excited and smiley. i love that noah is so happy to see justin, and vice versa. i love that we pray over noah at night, and even if things are hard, it's still peaceful. we are our own little family, and that is so precious.

song of the day: I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You), by John Mayer
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvLxOSxl35A

poem of the day: somewhere i have never travelled (i don't know if that's the actual title...) bu ee cummings

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

i love target

i can't go into target without getting like 12 different things. fortunately, today i had an excuse for buying stuff: noah needed onesies, and justin and i have friends whose daughter is turning one next month. i love buying girl clothes, love love love. target has the best kid clothes for like a third of the cost of baby gap.
but anyway, song of the day, poem of the day.

song: Talking Bird, by Death Cab for Cutie
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIIXXTqGCpg&feature=PlayList&p=B990532F0BBC478B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=23
(sorry it's connected to a playlist and it's not the recorded version--it's a live version.)

poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t7UsbvF4qY
this girl is so talented.